Finding the Love of Your Life

finding the love of your life (natural health magazine 2004)

There are only three questions that, as a practicing intuitive, I can count on being asked. “When will I meet my soulmate?” is number one. “What is my purpose?” and “Will I be financially secure?” often follow, but various versions of “When will I find love?” seem to take top priority. Have you ever wondered if you are the only one in the world who is destined to be alone forever? If there is a perfect partner for you, a soulmate, where is that person hiding?

If you long for a relationship and it has not shown up yet, close your eyes and ask yourself, “Why do I want a partner? How do I expect my life to change when that wonderful person arrives?” Do you expect your partner to fill a void in your life? Do you hate to be alone? When we are insecure we fret and worry, resist change and grasp at others out of desperation.

We are full of tension and are psychically draining, exhausting ourselves and those around us. The people we are attracted to feel our impoverished energy and stay away. And why shouldn’t they? It is said that, “like attracts like.” Our “neediness” attracts other needy individuals and we tire each other out. Eventually, we find we have nothing left to give. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Even if you are self-sufficient and independent, you may have rigid expectations about how you will meet your partner. Be open and flexible to the possibility that you could meet anywhere, anytime.

One evening several years ago I locked eyes with a new friend as he sat beside me on my sofa. Until that moment he was just an acquaintance whose energy, conversation, and company I enjoyed. Why only the night before I had realized how happy I was with my life exactly the way it was. (For an instant I had even wondered if a man would fit in.) Yet, my heart beat picked up, my eyes softened their focus and I noticed that a thin veil seemed to hang between us. I let it lift away, and I recognized Michael-my other half- the man who was destined to stand beside me, show me strength I didn’t know I had, confront me with my own blindness- and see what I could not see myself. Did I recognize him as my future partner? Not until that moment. Did he recognize me? Not consciously. But a month earlier, just after we met, we arranged a ski trip with friends. Unexpectedly, he developed an ache in his stomach (emotional solar plexus) just as we were about to leave for the mountains. He stayed behind, lying on his bedroom floor that night and writhing in pain. It turned out that there was no physical reason for his distress. Perhaps his body knew that his entire life was about to change.

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner-someone who would hold my hand and bring me flowers. When Michael arrived, he was beyond anything I could have imagined incorporating into my quiet lifestyle. I thought an aerobics class was the height of physical activity. He bungee-jumped, flew airplanes and white-water kayaked, and constantly questioned, “How does the universe work?”

His curiosity and inquiring mind supported my more unusual ways of seeing the world.

Did I try to attract my “perfect” partner? Yes. I took responsibility for my role in why previous relationships had failed. I said affirmations, visualized my future, and in general, asked spirit to bring me my perfect partner. It did.

Attracting Your Partner

Shed your own limiting notions of yourself: looks, talents, likes and dislikes. Relationship is about loving and accepting yourself enough to accept another, unconditionally.

Make space for your partner. Literally. Starting with your bedroom, remove any clutter. Is half of your bed filled with books, papers to be filed away or clothes waiting to be hung up? Clear off the bed and open up the area under your bed. Can you walk to your bed unimpeded? If a former relationship involved a lot of tension, there may be a subtle, negative energy remaining in the bedroom. If that kind of history still looms, take a cup of sea salt water and walk around the room, sprinkling the water. Say, “I purify this space. I invite love in.” Complete the ritual by treating yourself to new linen. The bathroom is next. Is there room for the toiletries of a second person? Buy a second toothbrush in anticipation of the arrival of your partner. (How does this suggestion make you feel? If it seems too far out, you may be holding a belief that love will not happen to you.)

In Feng Shui, K’un (the upper-right hand corner on your floor plan) represents your ability to draw a loving relationship into your life. Is it empty, or cluttered? Clean this area well, hang up two red hearts, then use your intuition for what else belongs in this area: plants, objects, pictures.

Make room for your partner in all areas of your life. Are you so busy that even if you met someone you would not have time for them? Before I met my husband, I completely filled my social calendar. There was no time for him when he did show up. Only when a girlfriend left the country did I free up time to get together with him.

Observe your thoughts. Beliefs that you hold about how love, or partnership, works will fuel your behavior. Any time you hold generalizations like, “All men just want sex,” or “All women are catty,” you are off center, repelling the partner you wish to attract. What you see in others, you draw to you.

Let go of preconceived notions about how your prospective partner might look, or what kind of work they might do.

Write a letter to your “ideal” partner, lover and/or perfect “complement,” thanking them for what they bring to your life. (Write the letter in the present tense, as if they are in your life now.)

Do what you love. (Your partner may also love it, or will simply take pleasure in your happiness.)

One final thought:

Understanding what we believe about ourselves-and about love-can help us clarify what we want in a relationship. What do you think keeps you from finding your partner? What do you want in a partner? How would he/she be like you? How would he/she be different from you? What do you bring to a relationship? What simple pleasures bring you joy?

There is only one of you in all of time. You are unique. Your weaknesses and strengths are original. Valuing yourself is the first step to being able to love another human being unconditionally. Allowing them to be who and what they are, is perhaps the most attractive quality of all. Don’t wait until you meet someone to start cultivating it. In fact, the sooner you do, the more likely that special person will come along.